


A Satisfactory Life

by IvanW



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: A Love Beyond All Reason, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Love, M/M, Marriage, Photographs, Romance, T'hy'la, old married spirk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-04
Updated: 2016-11-04
Packaged: 2018-08-29 00:50:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8469448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvanW/pseuds/IvanW
Summary: Jim and Spock deal with the passage of SarekThis is my Old Married Spirk AOS version.For my Old Married Spirk Original Series, please see, Every Hour Has Come to this: http://archiveofourown.org/works/8438983





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kbeth6650](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kbeth6650/gifts).



Whenever Spock was faced with another loss of someone from his life he found himself contemplating mortality. It was, of course, illogical. There was little purpose in dwelling over something that was completely inevitable. And yet…

Spock knew loss.

His mother. Six billion of his fellow Vulcans. Pike. Ambassador Spock. Ensign Chekov. Several crew members under his command of course.

And the more recent ones.

Montgomery Scott.

His father.

It was his father that gave Spock pause now. They were getting ready to leave for New Vulcan. Not for a memorial. Sarek had not wanted that. But to go through his belongings, his house, close everything out. Close out a life.

Spock felt the arrival of Jim, his mind buzzing with his t’hy’la’s usual enigmatic energy, just before the door of their apartment opened.

“Spock?”

“In here,” Spock spoke from his meditation room.

“Oh.” Jim paused in the doorway. “Didn’t mean to interrupt. I’ll go make tea.”

Spock waited until he had departed and then rose to begin putting away his meditation supplies. He still moved with ease, which was yet another painful reminder he would likely outlive everyone he cared about.

He reminded himself once again not to dwell on that which had not even occurred.

Jim’s back was to him when Spock walked toward the kitchen. There was just a little stooping of his shoulders, hardly even noticeable, but it made Spock's side ache.

Jim turned, smiling. “There you are. Tea’s almost ready. Sorry to interrupt.”

“I was done anyway. And you cannot interrupt as I am always gratified to see you.” He covered Jim’s hand with his own. He assessed Jim’s appearance, the gray hair, the lined face, the crinkles around his eyes. Still very handsome.

“Stop that.”

“To what do you refer?”

“You’re checking me out. And not for a good reason. You’re looking for signs of health issues.”

“I only wish to ensure—”

“Honey, I’m fine.” Jim moved into Spock’s arms, wrapping his own tight around Spock. “I know your dad passing has you shaken, but I’m good. We have years ahead of us. I promise.”

“Such a promise is illogical,” Spock murmured, though he did appreciate the sentiment.

“Probably.” Jim pulled back to give him his trademark dazzling smile. “But I mean it anyway.” He brought Spock’s left hand to his lips, kissed the ring on his finger. “We’re about to celebrate our…what…twentieth anniversary. We’ll have another twenty.”

“I want more than that,” Spock said softly.

“I know, honey, and we will.”

“Jim.” Spock closed his eyes.

“Hey." Jim’s lips touched the corner of Spock’s mouth. “We’re not them. We’re us. We won’t be separated. Your counterpart himself said we have our own path to live.”

“I cannot—”

“Shh.” A kiss just next to his mouth. “You’re a little overwrought because of your dad.”

That brought Spock up short and he opened his eyes to look at his husband. “Vulcans do not get overwrought.”

“Just a little,” Jim teased. “Come get your tea.”

Spock allowed Jim to lead him over to the teapot and waited while Jim poured him tea. “I should contact Nyota.”

“You probably should. She’d like that.” Jim rubbed Spock’s arm. “I was going to go into my office. I’ve got business to attend to with us leaving in the morning.”

“An admiral’s work is never done.”

“Seems that way. Is that okay?”

“Of course, ashaya.” He was absurdly grateful to have this Human in his life, this time with him, and he knew it was selfish to want this forever, but he did.

Jim smiled the smile that still made Spock’s breath hitch, and picked up his own teacup. He leaned in and kissed Spock softly on the lips. “I’ll try not to be too long.”

Spock waited for Jim to disappear into his office before he contacted Nyota through his PADD.

“Spock.” The frown lines on her face softened.  There were a few streaks of gray in her now shorter dark hair. She had cut the length a few years back. “I’m so sorry to hear about your father.”

“Thank you, Nyota.” He paused, seeing the sadness that still touched so much of her. “I grieve with thee.”

Nyota looked away for a moment, wiping her eyes. Then when she looked back, she had herself in control again.  “I’m doing okay. My babies being here help.”

“I am glad that you have them.”

“How’s Jim?”

“He is well and sends his best.”

She smiled wistfully. “I think he misses Monty almost as much as me.”

“He does get sad about it,” Spock admitted. And before the passing of Spock’s father, he had attempted to distract Jim

She swallowed, nodded. “You going to New Vulcan then?”

“We leave in the morning.”

She smiled wistfully. “Take care of yourself, Spock. And take care of Jim, too. Tell him you love him. A lot. Okay?”

“Nyota—”

“We’ll talk when you get back.”

And then she was gone.

****

“How’s Spock?”

“About what you’d expect,” Jim told Bones. “I don’t know though. I think this has hit him harder than he expected it would.”

“Yeah.”

“I think maybe it’s that the thing about the only parent left, you know?”

Bones nodded. “I know.”

“Death is the logical progression of life and all that crap.” Jim sighed. “Anyway, I’m watching out for him.”

“You want me to come with you to New Vulcan?”

Jim smiled. “No. I think he needs just me, if that makes sense.”

Bones smirked a little. “Actually, it’s never made sense but it’s always been true. You’re always the one he needs.”

“You love us.”

“Unfortunately,” Bones said wryly. “Let me know how it goes, okay?”

“Of course I will. I better check on him. He’s gone quiet again. See you. Bones.”

“All right, Jim.”

Jim leaned back in his desk chair. For a moment he just sat there, listening to the quiet apartment. He then straightened and opened the top right drawer. He pulled out the photograph he had stuffed in the drawer. Once it sat on his desk but recently it had been too tough to look at.

It was an old, old photograph.

It was taken at his birthday party, after Krall. Oddly enough the idea for the photo had been Spock’s. At the time he hadn’t explained why but later Jim found out. He wanted a photo of the crew together much in the same way that Ambassador Spock had of his crew, his captain.

They were younger than Ambassador Spock’s crew had been.

The photograph included himself, Spock, Uhura, Bones, Sulu, Chekov, Jaylah, and Scotty. He and Spock hadn’t even been together at the time so Jim stood next to Bones and Spock was next to Uhura. Later, after he and Spock had finally got their shit together, Scotty and Uhura had too.

Jim exhaled but the tightness in his chest didn’t go away. He set the photo back on his desk and rose, leaving his office.

Spock was sitting in his favorite chair, though he would never admit to having a favorite, his hands cradled around a teacup. He looked up when Jim approached but said nothing.

Jim knelt on the floor in front of him. His knees wouldn’t thank him later, but to hell with it. He gently removed Spock’s fingers from the cup and set it on the table beside him. He reached for Spock’s hands and held them in his own.

“Your knees,” Spock whispered.

“They’re fine. Or fineish anyway.” Jim rubbed his thumb over the top of Spock’s left hand. “How is Nyota?”

“Her children are a comfort to her.”

Jim nodded. “That’s good.” He squeezed Spock’s hand. “Do you-did you want me to have Allyc come home?”

“Negative. I would not want to pull our son away from his studies. There is little he can do.”

“I know, but if it would help—”

Spock’s brown eyes softened. “I have you.”

Jim smiled and brought Spock’s hands to his lips, kissing them softly. “You’ve always had me.”

“Indeed?”

“Oh yeah. From the first time I saw you and you tugged down that uniform just before you walked up to that podium with a stick up your hoity toity ass.”

Spock arched a brow. “I do not recall it that way.”

Jim winked. “You so did.”

“It took me too long to admit that I, too, was smitten. Even then.”

“I know,” Jim said, rising up a little to hug Spock’s knees. “I was too much for your logical self.”

“It is true.” Spock’s hand came up to thread through Jim’s graying hair. “But I cannot recall a time when I did not love you.”

“It’s the same for me.”

“Come.” Spock patted his lap. “Get off your knees.”

“I’m too heavy.”

“Do as I say.”

Jim raised both brows at that, but he did get up off his knees, ignoring the little ache in them as he did so. Spock pulled him down until he was smack dab in the middle of Spock’s lap. He put his arms around Spock’s shoulders to hold himself in place.

“Satisfied?” he asked with a smile.

“Always when you are in my arms.”

Jim melted a little. He sighed and leaned his head just lightly against Spock’s. “I love you so much.”

“And I you. More than you can possibly know.”

“Pish. Our minds are connected, remember? I know.”

Spock’s hands scooted underneath Jim’s shirt, splaying out on his bare skin. “There are times when I am certain my heart will burst with it.”

Jim felt Spock's sadness. It was deep and heavy and for a moment it nearly crushed him, but then it was swept away as fast as it had arrived in their bond.   

“Don’t be sad,” Jim whispered. “I hate it when you’re sad.”

“As I hate it when you are,” Spock said very softly. “I am not. My father lived a very long life, most of which he found satisfactory.”

“Satisfactory,” Jim repeated. “He lived a satisfactory life.”

“You say that as though it is a bad thing.”

“No.” Jim shook his head. “I just…do you think he was happy?”

Spock was quiet for so long Jim began to suspect he wouldn’t answer. But then he did.

“I do not know.”

****

“I like his house,” Jim said as he came into the room that had belonged to Spock’s father for the time he lived on New Vulcan.

Spock looked up at his husband from the box of Sarek’s belongings. “It is just a house.”

“Nah. I mean it feels like him.”

“How does a house feel like anyone? It is merely a structure.”

“Well. I don’t want to say it’s haunted with him or anything—”

“That would be illogical as there are no such things as ghosts.”

Jim laughed softly. “I know, sweetheart. It’s just…I feel him. He surrounds me here. And I like it. It’s nice.”

There were times when Spock wondered how he truly became so fortunate as to warrant this Human’s love. Growing up a child of two worlds, not fully accepted by either, he would never have imagined that someday, this would be his. He held out his hand for Jim who took it and moved close to him, in Spock’s personal space, where Jim truly belonged.

“You asked me if my father was happy.” Spock closed his arm around Jim’s waist as he drew his husband’s attention to the box of belongings.  

“Yeah.”

Spock lifted out a photograph that he’d found in Sarek’s bedroom. He showed it to Jim.

Jim’s smile could have lit up the world. “Is that you with your mom and dad?”

“Indeed,” Spock murmured.

“Oh, my God. He’s like, he’s got a smile. A little one, but yeah, that’s a smile.”

“Yes.” Spock put his other hand on Jim’s jaw turning his face to his and kissing his husband’s mouth.   


End file.
